


Collapsing

by lmontyy



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Comfort, David - Freeform, Ellie - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Joel - Freeform, Lesbian Character, TLOU, The Last of Us - Freeform, Useless Lesbians, dina - Freeform, dina is the best gf ellie could ever ask for, ellie just kinda has a really bad anxiety attack and dina comes in like a hero, ellie williams, joel miller, poor ellie :(, the last of us 2, the last of us part 2 - Freeform, the last of us part ii, the last of us part two, this is really angsty, tlou 2, tlou part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21759715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmontyy/pseuds/lmontyy
Summary: Ellie has a horrible anxiety attack and Dina comes home just in time to comfort her.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 215





	Collapsing

**Author's Note:**

> >>> WARNINGS:  
> HEAVY ANGST, DESCRIPTIVE ANXIETY ATTACK, VIOLENCE! <<<

The room was squeezing in around her, crushing her ribs and her lungs and making breathing next to impossible. It was dark, and so, so lonely. There was no one around, for what felt like hundreds of thousands of miles, but she knew that if she looked out the window, she would see the hustle and bustle of women, children, _people_ on the streets of Jackson _._ Why couldn’t she bring herself to look out the window?

Curled up on the couch with her knees tucked into her chest, she struggled to catch her breath. Everything was cold around her – the heat had been turned off in the onset of her panic. Any time she had these episodes, she would sweat and shake and lose her mind. It would happen when she was stress, or alone, usually during the winter, whenever she saw a freshly killed buck. Anything could trigger it at any time, but she knew the snow was falling outside. She could hear the laughter and the scampering around of the children outside, playing in the snow as it fell onto the street.

Normally, she smiled at the children and admired how innocent they were as they played, wishing they could be that way forever, and she could watch them and keep them safe every day that she could.

But now, she was different. When this wave of terror came over her, she was very different. Whenever she found herself out in the snow, even with the smallest of flakes falling around her, she was violently thrown back to that dreadful day, nearly five years ago, and the peaceful snowfall turned into a blinding blizzard, with the sound of gunfire cracking through her head as it followed her all around the camp.

One time it had been so bad that she broke down in the middle of the road. One snowy night last year, she visited an old building in the midst of a snowstorm just up the road from Jackson, no more than a two-minute walk. It was an unexplored building among a few to which they had expanded, and needed to clear them out and transform them into functioning, useful buildings. When she opened the rickety old door to the building closest to Jackson, she was opened to a diner. Red carpeting, old wooden booths, a kitchen you could see all the way from the opening. Suddenly, everything was on fire.

Backing up and falling into the snow, completely stricken with terror, the panic crashed over her like a tsunami wave, and she started to scream and cry and curl up into the snow right outside the diner. She remembered the smell of the must and the mold from the diner from way back when, she remembered the smell of old, _burning_ wood, she remembered how the ripped-up carpet felt under her palms as he kicked her in the ribs repeatedly when she tried crawling away.

Her patrol came rushing over, four, five, seven, ten people. They came with their guns out, thinking Ellie had been under attack by a person, or an infected. When they arrived to the location of the screams, all they found was Ellie on her hands and knees, staring face-down into the snow, nothing but horror in her constricted eyes. She was sobbing and hyperventilating, pale as a ghost.

And here she was, once again, in her home, on the couch feeling the same way she did outside that diner. Her heart racing, her mind racing, her entire body racing with anxiety. The sounds of the children cooing and tittering in the snow outside didn’t fill her with warmth like it always did. Today, in that moment, it filled her with illness and fear. Absolute dread.

Dina wasn’t home yet. Her shift at the med clinic ended soon, but she hoped Dina would stay overtime to help the rest of the patients or clean up like she did sometimes. She didn’t want Dina to see her like this – shaking, crying, collapsing into nothingness.

These episodes were merciless – she could never escape those beady eyes of the cannibal that slammed her into the bars, tried to butcher her, hunted her down through the blizzard, beat her, choked her. She desperately wanted Dina to come home, but she knew that if she did, her first action would be to help her. So, she didn’t want Dina to come home, because she wanted to suffer.

The world felt like it was closing in on her, like she was literally stuck to the couch as the walls got smaller, and smaller, and _smaller._ Every time she looked around, the room looked smaller, and it would prompt more tears from her eyes, more sobs ripped from her throat, more force as she wrapped her arms around herself, pleading to everything and anyone with any kind of power over her to make it stop.

But the sad truth was that she couldn’t make it stop. She was stuck thinking about him – the way he looked at her, his intentions with her, the way he _touched her hand in the cell and stared into her eyes–_

The opening of the door and the shuffling in of a body behind her broke through her thoughts for a second, just a second. She heard a familiar sigh of struggle as the body walked in and dropped a bag on the ground.

She jumped at every noise that came from behind her. Throwing her hands over her head to cover and protect herself, her mind just continued to race as if nothing happened. Thinking of the snow and how cold she was, how hungry she was, _when he slammed her face into the bars repeatedly, smashing her nose in–_

“Hey, El,” the always cheerful voice of her girlfriend was a sound she desperately tried to cling to – the conscious side of her savored it like the first meal after a long patrol. But she was too far gone now, there was no going back.

The grip around her tightened, and more tears rolled down her face. She covered her ears to keep from hearing that voice, because it only strengthened her panic. She wanted to hide away and never come out, but she felt like she had to, _like she was being dragged out onto a butcher’s table and he was holding a knife over her head–_

“Where are ya?” Dina asked, the jovial tone in her voice still present.

She heard more shuffling of footsteps, and she whimpered as she struggled for breath. She wanted to call out to Dina, wanted to tell her she was right there, wanted to tell her she loved her, but she was afraid that if she said anything _he would find her, catch her hiding behind the bookshelves in the stores and pick her up by the shirt and drag her back to the basement–_

The footsteps just got closer. “Ellie?” Dina was right next to her then, trailing off and dropping at the sight of her girlfriend on the couch.

Ellie wanted to look up, she wanted to look up and plead for Dina to help her. That desperate side of her that was aware of what was happening wanted to face her tell her everything she was thinking, how she was reliving all of the horrors in her mind, _like when he grabbed her and chased her around the diner, as silent as the dead, with that big machete in his hand–_

“Ellie…” Dina’s voice heightened in pitch, and immediately she was rushing forward to help her. “Ellie, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” Her hands hovered above the shaking girl, unsure whether to touch her, or how to approach her.

She decided to take the plunge, and when hands touched as gently as feathers against Ellie’s sides, she screamed and grabbed the back of her head harder, pushing it farther between her knees. She screamed because _she remembered the feeling of his boot connecting with her ribs, and his hands snaking around her neck and pressing so hard she couldn’t breathe anymore, and the world was going black around her–_

Ellie couldn’t even recognize the girl next to her anymore. All she saw was his face everywhere, that devilish look, the hatred and mercilessness in his eyes. He was there, even when she couldn’t see him.

Dina’s hands had wrenched away after Ellie screamed, and she could _feel_ the horrified, emotional gaze of the girl next to her glued to her body. Ellie didn’t want her to touch her, she didn’t want her to because she was scared that if she touched her, she would hurt her like when _she took the machete from under the seat and slashed his neck with it, beating his brain into his body by hacking the machete over his head again, and again, and again, and ag–_

“Ellie,” Dina repeated, her voice soft and as gentle as she could muster.

_“Ellie!”_

Both voices contrasted so hard, it was overwhelming, and her head was _hurting_ from it. She didn’t even realize when she started hitting herself on the head with her fist in frustration and desperation to get the episode to stop.

“Stop,” Dina urged softly, heartbreakingly soft.

_“Stop, stop.”_

_No,_ Ellie was thinking. _Don’t fucking touch me._ She didn’t want Dina to touch her again. What if she hurt her? She couldn’t bear to think of it. More sobs escaped from her throat as Dina’s gentle voice overlapped with Joel’s raspy, deep one.

“Shhh,” She hushed, her hand came back to hover just above the skin of her arm. She could feel the warmth radiating from her palm.

_“Sh, sh.”_

“No…” Ellie sobbed out. But when Dina’s palm came down against her arm, she didn’t scream, she didn’t rip herself away. She didn’t hurt her.

“It’s okay…” Dina whispered, keeping her hand still against the shaking and crying girl. When she realized Ellie hadn’t been pushing her off, she decided to test the waters, and place her other hand on the opposite arm, her thumbs tracing over her bumps and freckles in the way she knew comforted Ellie.

_“It’s okay.”_

“It’s me,” her voice was so gentle that it tickled when it touched her ears. “It’s me, Ellie.”

_“It’s me. It’s me.”_

More tears followed past her eyelids, the voices collectively breaking her heart. The waters started to calm; the storm started to pass. The gentleness of Dina’s fingers tracing patterns along her skin sent shocks through her body, waking up her senses and slowly bringing her back to reality. It was as if she had a magic touch, a magic voice ­– Dina was just magic.

“It’s me,” Her hand moved its way up her arm. “Look.”

_“It’s me. Look. Look.”_

The soft voice urged where the firm voice demanded, and she found herself slowly lifting her head to face the body next to her. When she finally was within view, through her tears and with a vision that reminded her of broken glass, she saw the beautiful face looking at her, tears forming at her eyes, nothing but the utmost concern and care and sympathy for her. Those dark eyes held nothing but softness and compassion for her.

Seeing Dina’s face was like a light in the darkest rooms, the coldest glass of ice water in Hell. She was Ellie’s light at the end of the tunnel, and when Dina reached forward and placed her hand so devastatingly gently against her cheek, all of the mercy she never got, all of the fear she held inside, all of the care she needed came rushing into her.

“It’s me,” she said again, with a tone of finality, reassurance.

_“It’s me.”_

That was the moment the floodgates broke, and the light crashed down on her. Like the sun collided with the Earth, like the door to the cell opened. All at once, her breathing started to slow ever so slightly, her heart rate trying to find a slower rhythm. The blackness surrounding her vision started to fade away, while the world slowly but surely came to halt around her.

When she was able to steady herself, she threw herself at her girlfriend. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’m sorry, it came out of nowhere, Dina…” She buried her face into Dina’s neck, and she felt arms immediately encircle her and hold her tightly to her chest.

“Oh, baby…” she whispered into her skin, pulling her as close as she could to her.

_“Oh, babygirl…”_

“It’s okay, Ellie,” she assured, gently, her hand rubbing up and down her back, tracing the same patterns from earlier into the fabric of her shirt.

She finally felt much more at peace; she finally felt her feet touch the ground. Everything began to make sense, and she finally felt an overwhelming feeling of complete safety. Just being in Dina’s arms was the only comfort she needed.

“How did it start?” She asked carefully.

With a saddened sigh, Ellie responded. “I don’t know, I don’t know at all. It just hit me when I came home.” She didn’t have any answers. All she could think about is how much she wished she would just stop shaking.

Dina frowned sadly. “I’m sorry I didn’t come home sooner.”

“No, no,” Ellie protested immediately. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry you had to come home to this.”

Shaking her head, she pressed a sweet kiss to her lips. “Don’t ever apologize for anything like this,” she pleaded. “Please, don’t feel guilty. I completely understand, and I want to help.”

Ellie’s heart swelled with love. She knew Dina was always laid back and understanding, but she never knew to the extent. Dina was willing to deal with her and her trauma, which is something no one, not even Kat, could do. Other than Joel, Ellie quickly realized Dina was the only person she had.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with it, though,” The sadness inevitably crashed back down on her again. “It isn’t your job to deal with this, or to fix me.”

“Who said it was my job?” Dina asked with a raise of an eyebrow. “It’s my privilege to help take care of you.”

She couldn’t take much more. Everything she said was like a blow to her heart, which was overwhelmed with love and appreciation.

“I don’t deserve you,” Ellie sighed.

“Oh, yes you do,” she assured with a smile, pressing two more kisses to her cheek. “You deserve all of the love and care in the world, love.” She nuzzled her forehead against her temple. “I’m sorry you’re so hurt like this. You don’t deserve any of it, you know that, right?”

Ellie nodded softly with a sniffle, and for a second, she felt like that little girl again. That little fourteen-year-old girl who had just went to Hell and back, had been beaten and tortured, scarred and traumatized. And Dina was here to take care of her. Dina and Joel.

“Good,” she whispered endearingly. “Are you okay now?”

“I’m getting there,” Ellie shrugged, still nuzzling into Dina’s warm palms against her face. “I’ll be fine.”

It didn’t usually take very long to recover from her attacks, maybe ten to fifteen minutes, thirty at most. Especially with Dina around, it wouldn’t take very long for her heart rate and breathing to return to normal, for her shaking to cease and her sweat to dry.

For the rest of the night, Dina treated Ellie like royalty. She made her hot chocolate and buttered popcorn, and selected a movie from their rack in the garage. She got every blanket she could possibly find in their house and piled it onto the couch, waiting for Ellie, who was in the shower.

When she came out, she saw Dina lying there with the blankets, the popcorn and chocolate, and the movie sitting on the table. It was one of their favorite comedies, she realized, when she saw the title _Mean Girls_ written across the front.

“What did you do all of this for?” Ellie demanded, unable to fight the smile that grew wider than it had been in weeks.

“I can’t do anything nice for my girlfriend when she had a bad day?” Dina challenged, quirking an eyebrow at her.

“Well, I didn’t say _that…”_

“Shut up and sit your cute ass down,” she demanded playfully, moving to put the DVD in the player underneath the TV. “Stop complaining, you know you love me.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, and sunk into the couch cushions underneath her. “Yeah, you know I do.”

Once Dina got the movie into the player, she tossed herself onto the couch beside her. Ellie was pressed up against the armrest of the couch, hot chocolate in hand, her other moving to make its way to Dina’s waist. Dina held the big bowl of popcorn in her arms, and urged Ellie to take some with a nudge of her forehead to the crook of her neck.

“Thank you for all this,” Ellie murmured, eternally grateful. She couldn’t believe how comfortable she was. “Seriously, you didn’t need to do this.”

“It was literally nothing, babe,” she insisted. “I put some popcorn in the microwave and I warmed up some hot chocolate from a box. That’s all I did.” The laugh that followed Dina’s statement was so thrillingly addictive. She loved her smile, her laugh, everything.

“It’s the thought that counts.”

“Okay, wise Buddha,” Dina teased, prompting a nudge to her ribs. Ellie’s smile was plastered to her face for what she knew would be the rest of the night. And when Dina let her head fall into the heat of her neck, she knew that she couldn’t be any safer.

“Shut up, the movie’s starting.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> This is another of the Tumblr requests I received for these two.
> 
> My tumblr handle is @lmontyy, and I take any and all requests, (so long as they're not unreasonable or crazy!) but I'm very easygoing when it comes to writing, and do enjoy writing for others. Any and all questions or inquiries may be directed to my inbox here or on tumblr. :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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